ZleEp tiMe

Malam ni rasa mengantuk sangat. Tapi tetap nak tulis something kat TMM. Feel a bit disturbed at the moment, my memory is strained to the max.
I need to disperse this… probably thru my sleep.
I forgot to bring annEBowl on this trip.. I wanna bowl!!!
OK nite all. Kuantan to be explored tomorrow.

Bed

Seriously!!! When are you going to deliver my new bed??? Nearly 2 weeks has passed, payment is settled, what’s holding you  mister?? I WANT MY BED STAT. The delay is ruining my next makeover agenda. So please, I beg you, PLEASE hurry.

****************

I’m upset ’bout something. Come to think of it (took me the whole day of thinking), I actually felt betrayed. I know I shouldn’t take this in such a way, but I’ve been so used to having ‘it’. Though I rarely (really RARE!) utilized ‘it’, silently knowing that ‘it’ IS there, within my reach, gave me the confidence to move on and take risks. Because I know, ‘it’ will be there to correct things when things went wrong. Now ‘it’ is snatched away….. and I’m taken aback. It is shocking for me to learn that I reacted this way to something which should be irrelevant to me.

I thought the confidence that I gained was from the inner me, but today’s event has wronged me. Whatever it is, life must go on. For people with BD, trust is a big thing. I must learn to distribute my trust to many people, so I wouldn’t lose the whole ‘chunk’ when the unforeseen visited.

Being me, it’s really difficult to give people my trust and it’s equally hurts when I lose the people that has gained my trust.

******************

Well well, enough babbling. That’s too much of a BAD than a BED.

HOmEy hOme

Howdy guys…

I’m home!! Been missing the bed and quilt for 7 days. It feels so…… homey. I love my bedroom too much it seems. Planning to do some makeover in these few days. I’ve got this and that and those and that and this on the ‘to do list’. Excitement!!

************

Health update:

1. Extra dose of rivotril and inderal.

2. Throbbing and swollen ankle.

3. Cholesterol level of 6.4 mmol/L.

Excitement!!

************

Not so much of an update. Nite all…… till next post.

Shop

Feel the strong urge to shop. I want to buy something/anything new for myself!!!! Erkss. It has been a while since I bought myself something hasn’t it? Or have I forgotten something? So gonna drag someone somewhere. Update later yer.

Eat

Eating is a remedy. I’m way too unsettled at the moment to be thinking of my high cholesterol level. Just for today I promise myself, just for today.

December 21, 2011

Count down begins: 6 working days to go for the year.

Not that I’m expecting anything to be different at work next year….. just hoping that the new-year-bug would light up my spirit to work passionately.

…………………………………………………………………….

December has so far been tiresome. My body, mind and emotion are all exhausted!!! Depression has overwhelmed me. The usual moodiness, anxiety, palpitation, agitation, anger, nausea, headache visit me daily…..  HATE HATE HATE. I hate them so much that I’ve to admit that I’m overdosing myself. Not doubling…. but quadrupling the rivotril and tripling the inderal. Who cares, as long as I’m able to doze off and forget about everything. Need to bury my thoughts with work for distraction…..though admittedly it’s hard to drag myself out of bed each morning. Hopefully the D will leave me as 2011 leaves. I don’t want you D!! I’ve got a life to live without you. Thank you.

……………………………………………………………………..

Buenos noches. Do pray for my health, PLEASE.

-The-Manic-Me-

India

Hello world!! Howdy??

Owh yes…. laman sesawang ku sudah bersawang (welcome to a ‘web’site full of cob’web’s).

It’s the first day of the final month of the year. Happy December readers!!! How time flies huh? For the past 30 days of my silence, many many many things has took place. But, I prefer not to mention them all,  considering my tendency (and expertise) of elaborating a single line statement into a full paragraph story.

I was in India, way up Ooty  in Tamil Nadu, on Diwali. Precious experience. Just love it. Boarding the Nilgiri Mountain, through the thick mist and forest, I quickly think of Hogwart Express. Hehe.

Choo Choo all the way to Hogwarts (Coonoor)

Wonder where they shoot their film and roll down the hills?? I’ve been to 2 shooting points.

Erks, trying to put the raincoat on

 

Imagine playing peekaboo among the trees

 

To be continued…….

White Flagged

That’s it. I shall put a stop to these agonizing days and nights. Nothing beats the chills of ‘drug+sleep’ deprivation. Nearly fall of the aircraft while conducting survey this morning. I sure looked like a dumb, concrete wall engineer. Needing sleep desperately, shivering, trembling, hot flush, giddy, and I need to puke!!! Thanks to The Manic Me I’m now sleepy enough to sleep. Bye.

…. sambung

Hari EMPAT

Tak sabar nak sambung tulis. Hari LIMA, tunggu kejap kat luar bilik physio tu. Pastu masuk again dia tanya sakit apa. Siap tanya saya plak kena letak heat or ice. WTH??? Pastu tanya member-member dia treatment apa plak kena buat. Pfft….. Seems that my assumption was true after all, they don’t keep treatments record. Same routine. All in all, ankle is doing good, dah nampak rupa buku lali. Sedikit membesar hari ini tapi. Malam ni bakal di’ice’kan. Besok hari LIMA, appointment ngan doc, nak cakap time kasih banyak banyak, byebye, hope tak perlu jumpa lagi.

Makan apa yer malam ni??

Nak gi bercuti

Selepas 4 tahun berhenti, akhirnya saya kembali menyerahkan ankle untuk sessi physiotherapy. Kali ini di Malaysia pula. First expression bila sampai kat bilik physio : *tengok sign berkali kali sambil fikir betul ke ni??*. Sign tertulis, sila ambil nombor didalam. Masuk je….. *alamak!!! Ada pakcik tak pakai baju!!! Biar btul hospital ni??* Saiz bilik tu cam lebih kecik dari master bedroom kat umah. Ada 4 katil…. of course with the curtains as dividers la. Tapi kenapa pakcik tu tidak berbaju dihadapan umum??? Orang yang tengok pon naik segan maaaa. Terus kepala otak membuat comparison dengan physio department kat RAH. Tempatnya very spacious and modesty setiap patient terjaga rapi. FREE plak tu. Sini kena bayar 30 inggit maaaa. Tapi takpe, cuba dulu.

Hari SATU:

Masih tatau apa yang perlu dibuat, terjah je masuk bilik tu. *takde pakcik tak berbaju.. pheww*. Kasik referral letter kat sape ntah then dia suh tunggu luar. OK. Good thing is, sekejap je tunggu, orang tak ramai. Masuk je dia tanya ‘sakit mana’…. *aik… dia ni tak baca ke surat tadi*. Lepas tengok-tengok… letak ice, pastu ultrasound, pastu inteferential ke something like that la, pastu siap!! 30 inggit. In between tu, 2/3 org masuk melawat. Tak introduce diri ke ape ke, masuk pegang/telek telek kaki then suruh letak ice bila balik then blah. LOR. Takde plak bwat exercise cam kat Adelaide. OK takpe. Appointment card tak bagi pon.

Hari DUA:

Tak rasa apa apa perubahan selepas sessi hari SATU. Rasa cam takde apa apa berlaku pon. Hari ni pon macam rusa masuk kampung, tatau procedure nak daftar. Jenguk kepala dalam bilik, derang cakap tunggu luar jap nanti dia panggil. Takde bagi nama takde apa. OK fine. Dia cakap ‘awak masuk tunjuk muka je, tayah amik nombor nanti kita panggil’. Perkara sama juga untuk hari DUA… soalan dia ‘sakit ape dah?? kaki kan? kaki mana?’. LOL diorang ni takde record ke ape? then repeat the same procedure; ice -> ultrasound ->interferential -> siap!! 30 inggit agi. Tanya dia, takde exercise ke?? dia cakap ‘bengkak lagi’. hurmm ok fine. masa nak bayar baru laaa tanya… ‘awak nama apa? doctor mana?’ sebab baru nak cx record nak tulis kat receipt. Erksss.

Hari TIGA:

Bengkak dah surut agak banyak. Kali ni rusa pon dah tak rasa kekok nak masuk kampung. Sampai terus terjah bilik tu…. eh takde patient so boleh terus masuk. PT: bengkak dah hilang tak?, pt: dari pandangan saya dah tak bengkak dah. Belek belek… ‘ok bengkak skit lagi’ so again…. ice -> ultrasound ->interferential ->siap!! 30 inggit. Kali ni interferential tu dia up sampai habis meter. LOL…. rupanya kena buat tinggi2 baru berkesan. Dah kali ketiga baru tau. Best best. Dah kurang sakit bila berjalan. Hari TIGA pon ramai yang mengintai tanpa memperkenalkan diri apatah lagi memberi sebab. Apeeeee lah, mana privacy saya?

Hari EMPAT

Well, esok hari EMPAT. Sekarang sedang meng’ais’kan kaki dengan harapan besok takde bengkak lansung supaya boleh la buat exercise. Kena berjaya menghilangkan sakit minggu ni jugak…. because Sunday dah nak pergi bercuti. Potong stim laa kalau jalan pon tak btul kan?

Hari LIMA

Sebab besok hari EMPAT makan insyaAllah lusa adalah hari LIMA. Juga follow up appointment with the doc who also didn’t give me any appointment card or whatsoever!! what the??? this medical centre’s system is really confusing!!

Me: 'ni apa plak' , PT: 'electric..... nanti rambut akak semua berdiri... bzzzzzz'. NICE

Hishh tak sabar nak pergi bercuti!!! Ankle cepat la baik…..