Plain stupid #7

I know this is selfish… but I’m better off dead!!!

Please anne, do not wake up tomorrow.

Plain stupid #6

I want to exaggerate things: the things that happen in these few weeks are too much for me to take in. And I say ‘exaggerate’ because if I couldn’t take them why am I still alive? One of the things makes me sad, upset and mad. One of the things makes me afraid, confused, irritated and frustrated. Why on earth do important things in my life would always happen at the same time. I don’t have the brain to help me put those bits and pieces of my life together.

Brain dead….. If my brain isn’t functioning, how am I suppose to function?

This entry is really stupid… REALLY. I mean it.

Plain stupid #5

Is there a way to cut yourself without leaving scars?? Scar is ugly but blood and pain are beauty. I WANT TO CUT MYSELF AGAIN!!!!! Call it self mutilation, for me it’s a good therapy. We’ll see whether 3 rivotril in a go is enough to stop me. Why I’m writing it here?? I do not know…… attention seeking behaviour. Can start thinking of what design should I make this time. Ideas? 

Plain stupid #4

Things are getting more complicated. Now, it’s not only me; mom and dad can’t sleep as well. Well…. at least I got company. Seeing him so stressed out made my heart aches. Seeing her tears made my heart aches too. I don’t care if people says that I don’t have to put myself into their shoes….. I was born like this. Aren’t it a daughter’s duty to keep her parents happy and out of worries?? Isn’t it a sin if a daughter causes worry for her parents? Whatever… I’m not even a good daughter…..  Anyway, Airod called about a job offer. We’ll see how it goes, haven’t got the details yet. A lot are going to happen in July I guess.

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Kalau kat hospital, bila tak boleh tidur nurse kasi minum milo panas pastu inject ubat.

Kalau kat rumah, bila tak boleh tidur baca harry potter, kira biri-biri, blogging, facebooking, rundling (kidding), chatting, edit gambar, makan, berangan, stumbleUpon……. tetiba dah kul 4 pagi.

Plain stupid #3

I’m unable to remain optimistic as I’d want in the previous entry. This hellish feeling inside is so unbearable and I’ve to let it out here. Don’t ask why because, to be FRANK….. nothing is bugging me. I did enjoy my long trip but as it’s over I’m back to this stupid state with bursting heart. Maybe that’s the thing that’s bugging me….. bursting heart without anything bugging me… (if you can make sense of what I’m saying). I’d probably go get something for myself tomorrow… spending seems like a good therapy.

Sakitnya sakit ini ya Allah.

Transformers

Terasa macam dah lama tak menulis walaupon the latest entry was only 2 days ago. When I was a kid, Transformers series was quite popular (but not for me… I preferred Cybercops). Bercakap mengenai karektor Transformers yang boleh berubah rupa (eg: dari robot kepada kereta dan sebagainya), mulai hari ini saya bercadang untuk menjadi transformers myself.

I have to ‘transform’, ‘think out of the box’, ‘change my approach’, ‘be more selfish’, ‘banyakkan senyum’ and bla bla bla yang masuk telinga kiri keluar telinga kanan (sorry doc). Well, the first step that I’ll take is to smile more…. Apart from smilling, I can’t figure out how to do the rest YET. Dan mungkin menjadi idea yang baik jika saya memblog tentang perkara-perkara yang menggembirakan.

Besok saya akan ke KL and on Friday the whole family akan convoy ke JB untuk reception perkahwinan my cousin, Wawan. I’m sure it’s gonna be fun, to meet tok we hussin (my atok), cousins, uncles and aunties. I think I haven’t seen Uncle Mat, Tammy and Fera for years…. tapi yang lebih hebat, I haven’t met Uncle Johari and his family for years kuasa dua (except for Wawan).

So that’s one happy occassion.

Smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile smile

PS: Sorry atas percampuran bahasa yang berlaku untuk entry kali  ini. Saya boleh berbangga kepada rakan-rakan OZ kerana mampu berkomunikasi dalam dua bahasa.

Nervous

Abandon by me for couple of days, this blog needs to be revived. Went to Nadia’s wedding reception today… (she’s a friend of mine from maresmart and intec; and we met several times in Australia). Congratulation dear.

Today I just want to complaint.

1. Since yesterday, I have this crap feeling inside me.
2. The occasional tremor of my hand is crippling… I can’t even write and eat with spoon when it occurred. Remember the career fair in pwtc? My sister had to fill in the forms for me.
3. Talking and smiling are impossible to do when my facial muscle twitch. I felt stupid for not smiling in the photos.
4. I guess… I’m always nervous nowadays.

Off

Clock is ticking…

Wednesday, June 3rd, 12:40 a.m.

I was chatting with Suraya just now and  she suddenly went missing. So here I am again. Hi all….

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I think I’ll get my hand off the laptop now, proceed to my bed, continue reading Thanks for the Memories, and hopefully my eyes and brain shut before the sun rises.

Books

Last night I managed to sleep sometimes past 3 a.m.; after reading 4 chapters from Thanks for The Memories; AGAIN. I have the habit of reading the same book over and over again in hope of finding the boredom to help me sleep. Sadly, this rarely happens as I would find every reading as interesting as reading a new book.

Each time, I get to know the characters better.

Each time, I would understand why ‘this and that’ of the story better.

Sometime, I would understand the story in a totally different way.

Sometime, it feels like I’m visiting old friends because I miss the characters.

Each time, I want the story to never ends.

I’m totally immersed.

But yes…. there’re couples of books that couldn’t bring on the same enthusiasm for me thus are left unread halfway.