Do you know what I feel? ANGER.
I’m so angry. I’m angry at my stupid illness. I am not bloody sure if it is an illness or not. Prof A has never confirm or deny it. For God’s sake…..
At this very moment, I’m even angry at her. Because I think she keep seeing me because of my BD, not this stupid meniere or whatever. My BD is in control. I don’t fake this stupid dizziness, this stupid blocked ear, this stupid hearing problem, this stupid nausea… and the newest one , this stupid chills. I texted her asking for other drugs than betaserc… and she said there’s none, just wudhu’ and kursi. Just what the hell…. that sort of advice, you only give to those people that’s having problem that are NOT REAL!! The problem that is caused by their mind… just a trick of my own mind. And I’m pretty sure mine is not just in my mind.
So yes I’m angry. I don’t believe there’s no other medication available. And I’m angry at you too God…. for this stupid illness. For the uncertainties. Please… I’m begging You….. please let me out of this. I’m tired of doubting myself. I’m tired…. I can no longer do this.