I’m deeply saddened by his departure early morning. I’ve grown to care so much for him…. as a little brother, as a friend. We have became very close these few months… since we both came back to work after our prolonged illness leave… a year of sickness. We talked about many things. Everyday to be honest. About being strong, about being positive, about fighting, about jemaah, about gadjet, about games, about family support, about work, about stupid medications, about hospital uniform, about being poked, about frequent hospital visits, about MCs, about uni…. many many things. I somehow felt connected to him. We shared many stories about our illnesses, about our frustration of not being able to perform at work as well as we did before, about how we are fighting for the sake of our beloved families. Some are private facts that we never shared with the other engineers. I trusted him to show him my BD medical report, he trusted me that he shared his health condition constantly with me. I become really worried when he stop responding to my messages. And apparently my worries are true. Was told he was critical in ICU. Then this morning, we were informed of his passing. I feel so upset… I rarely cried, but I cried during his funeral. I feel left out…. how could he leave me alone to fight? How could he leave me when he made me buy that nintendo switch? How could he leave when we have many plans of things to do at office when he’s discharged? How could he leave when he said his infections were clearing up?
Why am I feeling like this? No more person that I can whine about being sick in this company. No more colleague that understand how difficult it is to be sick yet loving your job so much. No more colleague to talk about counting and sorting our tonnes of medication, no more colleague to count our MCs, no more colleague to bergilir gilir pergi hospital appointments. I feel alone in this office. He reminded me to be strong and focus on health before work, and I reminded him to be strong and put health before work.
Thanks for the friendship Ilyas. I really thought you’ll survive, but apparently He loves you more. You were so young, but from our conversation I know you have prepared for death to come. Hope His blessing will always be with you.
Dear Allah, please make me as good servant as him or better…. please make me prepare for death as much as him or better. Bring me closer to you Allah. I want to be ready for death and welcome death as something thats inevitable.
Bye Ilyas, I’ll surely miss our conversation. I hope your wife won’t take this wrongly. I only love you as a friend and a younger brother.