Urghhh what a traffic back from Kedah… Need to stretch my legs before they turn into stone.
I was summoned by the CEO last week and he made me kindda promised to come back to work tomorrow, which I already planned on. BUT, I really have a few more issues to settle before completely settling in. Otherwise, I’ll waste my AL or pay.
Bipolar wise? I think I am OK, big OK now. Yup “jumpier” than other people but otherwise not feeling suicidal or the urge to cut. With good team members surrounding and supporting me (erm only in engineering team I mean), I can do this. The perks of being adorable. As well as the perks of being in the middle of the hierarchy; you are close to everyone….AND get a say in job assignment.
Meds? Hell lots of Epilim. Hell lots of weight. Good thing is, FOC. Can you believe it?
Kindda miss Dr W really. Through thick and thin for the past what? 10 years?? Well I can always go talk to him when things are rough right? Truth be told, changing doctor has always been a nightmare for me. Took about a year to get comfortable with Dr R…. but never the same. Then suddenly need to change to Dr A, a totally different approach. I am a very reserved person so I hate reiterating my medical history. And now, a new doctor again. I really wish doctors can read mind. Dr A sometimes gave me that impression.
Transition is difficult but I hope slowly it will work out as it always does. I’ve survived this long have I? Dr W good advice is: to give some time and open up because any new doctor is at disadvantages of not knowing my full history. So I need to be the one telling the story.
“Suddenly it comes to mind that he always told me to sabaR, be fair to him and give him the time and chance to help me whenever my care was transferred to him from docs in KL during major breakdown. ”
One thing I like about Dr W is his concern of my financial status; and his honesty of his limitation and opinion on which psychiatrists are good for me. When he find out that my company is no longer paying for my meds, I often are gifted with free samples. Even Dr A once gave me free meds that he confiscated earlier from his other patient for abusing them 🤣. Many many times Dr W advise me to undergo CBT but told me that he is not good at it and the best person to do it is Dr A and Prof M. I think those two doctors are his idols of some sort. The point of this whole para about Dr W is to show that depth of trust I have for him, and whenever he approves of the doctors I’m seeing, I trust the doctors too.
It is not about the competency of individual doctors that I am seeing really, I am not the judge. I think for psychiatric patient, doctor-patient trust is the most important thing… and once you find the right doctor, things get easier.
I still don’t like that cardiologist!!
Well, as for now, things are going in the right direction for me, though bumpy. It was not at all easy at the beginning. How I was really frustrated that I can’t seems to understand what my doctor expected of me from his questions. How I was upset that he kept asking question that I thought are not going to change anything, irrelevant. How frustrated I felt when our psychotherapies sessions always reach dead ends and left me feeling worse every time. How I felt dreadful that we are not going to work out, because I really hoped we would. So yes people…. it is easier to change your orthophedics than a psychiatrist. But things are way way better now. I’m laughing and smilling again. The Dr is extra nice and funny; but being me…it will take some time before I open up fully. Maybe the dreadfullness that I felt before was because of my depression, and when the depression started leaving me, things just correct itselfs. The doctor must be have been exasperated and put in hair-pull mode over my antics. So now, 4 doctors are available for me to visit when my bipolar starts acting up. Not bad.
Sleep? Still a struggle sometimes. But way better. Still need clona every night unfortunately. And when I have early morning things to attend to, I’ll take extra clona so I can sleep earlier and wake earlier.
Meniere? Nothing can be done about it really. But Prof A again proves that she is really kind. I was amazed when she personally rang me… a Prof rang a patient?? I always wonder why she cares when in fact my other illness is not her problem to think of. The hugs, the book, the motherly advise each and every time. Maybe I always looked pathethic in her eyes. Who knows.
Mak ai panjang gila
- Epilim : 600 + 600
- Efexor : 75 + 150
- Seroquel: 30
- Clonazepam : 0.5 (or sesuka hati)
Kena dua tuppwrware dah ni.