I no longer care about living. My desire to leave this world is never as strong. I might be selfish by saying that. Not thinking of other people’s feeling. But I do not have the strength to fight anymore.
I know I promised to attend your engagement….. but pardon me if I couldn’t make it. I don’t want to ruin your happy day. I never had the intention. Frankly, I’m so happy for you. So do forgive me.
It is tiring to cry everynight. It has been my ritual to cry, cut and took more meds than I should.
Nobody understands the pain except you. Most would only blame my imaan and it really irks me. Some even laugh and made jokes about my suicide plans. Suicide is never a joke, nor attention seeking. Maybe if I die, people will realize that the struggle is real. Anne, a brillint student and engineers, with lots of friends, from quite a wealthy family, funny, favorite niece to almost all uncles, favorite aunties to the kids …. are actually hurting inside. Hurting so much that she has given up on life. The life that is cruel and not fair.
My love letters series is not completed yet. Till the next post.