Dear TMM, 

The Manic Me……

I created you when I was first diagnosed with bipolar. You are the way for me to vent my feelings. My anger, my depression, my happiness, my ideas…… basically you are my diary. But at times, people found you. 

You are no human, so I think you won’t be missing me if I’m gone hey? No more crazy posts, no more howdy mate!, no more rantings, no more swearing.

Hey TMM….. do you know I’ve bought the razor blade? I tried it on and believe me….. it is the easiet and pain-free way to cut thru skin. How could we not know that before?? 

I’m losing my appetite now, which may be good. I only ate one nasi lemak bungkus this morning. Yesterday, I ate one chicken chop at dinner. Well a meal a day isn’t that bad. 

I’m so angry today… and when I’m angry, I’m dangerous. I spoke to the doctor in a high tone today, and I kicked the chair and backpack in his room. Whatever…. I don’t bloody care. Sick of his non stop why why why why why. I don’t bloody care why, god made me depress so go ask god. With his why why why, I was plotting of murdering myself in my head and the suicidal feeling is growing faster than ever…..

Well as I said, it is my fault. Nobody else’s. Maybe he’s in bad mood or maybe we are not compatible. Maybe it is best for both of us to change doctor. Issue settled. 

Dr W suggested I go to SP or K hospital….. He’ll know me well of what I might do at home. Malas aku nak pegi. We’ll take day by day. 


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